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Page updated - 22 August 2011



A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently used in a humorous situation.


  • Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  • If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. 

  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 

  • War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 

  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 

  • Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 

  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 

  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. 

  • I thought I wanted a career. It now turns out I just wanted wages. 

  • Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.' 

  • I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 

  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. 

  • A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory. 

  • I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 

  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. 

  • Money can't buy happiness but it makes misery easier to live with. 

  • There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. 

  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.

  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 

  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 

  • A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

  • Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

  • The voices in my head may not be real but they come up with some good ideas.

  • I always take life with a grain of salt; plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.

  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Brigade usually uses water.