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Alternative Diet

Page updated - 04 June 2010


(Kindly sent in to Cornard News a reader.)


Yesterday I was at my local supermarket buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet. In the checkout queue a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?


Being retired, and probably having too much time on my hands, on impulse I said ‘No, I didn’t have a dog. I was starting the Purina Diet again but probably shouldn’t as I ended up in hospital last time. I lost two stone in weight before I woke up in Intensive Care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and drips in both arms.’


I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well which was why I was going to try it again.


By this time practically everyone in the vicinity was now enthralled with my story.


Horrified she asked me if I had ended up in hospital because the dog food had poisoned me. I said ‘No I had not been poisoned but that I had stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setters butt and a car hit us both’.


The guy behind the lady sank to his knees in hysterical laughter and I am now banned from the supermarket.