www.cornard.info |
The Great Cornard Information Website |
|
Alternative Dictionary |
Page updated - 16 January 2011 |
|
These words and suggested alternative meanings are intended to be amusing and not cause offence. Email your suggestions for words you would like added to the list.
|
|
A ABACUS - Swedish swear word. ABSCOND - Steal someone's cream tea. ACNE - Walking aid for dyslexics. AEROBIC - Chocolate ballpoint pen. AGGREGATE - Farming scandal. ALGEBRA - Brassier made of kelp. AMBULATE - A Hearse. AMISH - Rather like an arm. ANTELOPE - To run off with your mothers sister. APERITIF - Cockney (UK) dentures. ARBORETUM - Dockside restaurant. ARIZONA - The person to whom Harry belongs. ARMATURE - An old pirate. AROMATIC - Auto-loading crossbow. ARSON- To sit down. ARTEFACT - Pretentious statistic. ARTERY - The study of painting. ARTICLE - Tease a pirate. ARTISTRY - History of art. ASBESTOS - Greek Anti-Social Behaviour Order. ASTERISK - Probability of asteroid strike. AVOIDABLE - Action of cow with a headache. AWOL - Dyslexic owl. B BACCHANALIAN - Bet on a Martian. BACTERIA - Cafeteria rear entrance. BACTERIA - Returning more upset. BALTIMORE - Seconds in an Indian restaurant. BALONEY - Longer skirt length. BALDERDASH - Rapidly receding hairline. BANSHEE - Gentleman's club. BELIEVE - Time off for bees. BENIGN - A year after the eighth birthday. BICYCLE - Double-headed corn cutter. BIGAMIST - Larger than usual fog. BINGE - Where Sean Connery puts his rubbish. BIN-MEN - Females who were male. BIOSPHERE - To purchase a ball. BLANKET - Refuse to communicate. BLOATER - Japanese straw hat. BOOMERANG - Show displeasure to a dessert. BORDELLO - Blasé greeting. BOUTIQUE - Startling kind of hardwood. BOWEL - A letter like A, E, I, O or U. BUGGERY - Study of insects. BURGOMASTER - Boss of fast food restaurant. BUTCHER - More camp. C CABBAGE - Taxi driver parlance. CAESAREAN SECTION - A district in Rome. CAMPERVAN - A van with even more sequins. CAMPUS - Effeminate cat. CANAPÉ - Scotsman's inability to settle bill. CANNELLONI - Scotsman's refusal to give overdraft. CANNIBAL - Geordie (UK) missile. CANTANKEROUS - Chain of shops that sell tanks. CANTILEVER - A speed controller on a horse. CAPSIZE - Usually about seven and a quarter inches. CARMELITE - Half-hearted Buddhist. CASHEW - Nut that makes you sneeze. CASTIGATE - Nasty accident climbing into a field. CAT SCAN - Searching for kitty. CAUTERISE (1) - Made eye contact with her. CAUTERISE (2) - Serious squint. CEMETERY - A very large shrub. CHILDHOOD - Very young criminal. CHINCHILLA - Beard cooler. CHIROPRACTICE - Preparing to visit Egypt. CIRCUMNAVIGATOR - Jewish sailor. CIRCUMSPECT - Point of view of a Rabbi. CLAUSTROPHOBIA - Fear of Father Christmas. COFFEE - Someone who has been coughed on. COIFFEUR - Pretentious drinker. COINCIDENTAL - Having matching teeth. COLONNADE - Fizzy enema. COMA - Posh punctuation mark. COMATOSE - Foots gone dead. COMBAT - Aggressive marsupial. CONCOURSE - Education for inmates. CONCURRENT - Looks like a raisin but isn't. CONGENITAL - Friendly. COPULATE - Poor Police response time. CRÈCHE - Vehicle collision in Kensington (UK). CURLICUE - A very friendly dog. CURSORY - Where young children lean to swear. CUSTARD - Swear after stepping in something. CUTICLE - Sexual harassment in the Post Office. CYCLOPAEDIA - Sexually attracted to bikes. D DAMNATION - Holland. DANDELION - Big camp cat. DEBASEMENT - Floor below de ground floor. DECEASE - Stop stopping. DEFINITE - 'She can't hear me man'. DEFUNCT - Have sense of rhythm removed. DELEGATE - Jewish scandal. DELIBERATE - To imprison. DENTIST - Man who fixes damaged car bodywork. DIALOGUE - An awful piece of wood. DICTAPHONE - Someone you dislike calling. DICTATOR - Humorously shaped root vegetable. DILATE - Live long. DIPHTHONG (1) - Fondue underwear. DIPHTHONG (2) - Minimalist laundry. DIRECT - Ruined by a Welshman. DISAPPEAR - To insult a lord. DISCONSOLATE - A particular embassy. DISINCLINE - Upward slope. DISPEL - Criticise magic. DISSIDENT - Foreigner pointing out damage to car bodywork. DOLDRUMS - Puppet percussion. DONATION - Where Homer Simpson is King. DOODLEBUG - To draw a flea. DOGMA - Canine mother. DOSSIER - A French tramp. DYNAMITE - Treat a flea to lunch. E EGRET - Apology sent by computer. ELECTRON - Vote for Ronald. ELEMENTAL - Spanish village idiot. ELEVENSES - Welsh bull-fighting family. EMAIL - Announcing mail delivery in Yorkshire (UK). EXCEED - A plant. EXTORT - Having left school. F FAIRYTALE - Beer made from ferrets. FALLACY - Amusingly shaped. FIASCO - Unsuccessful wall painting. FLATULENCE - Ambulance used when you are run over. FOLLICLE - Tiny ruin on a small hill. FLABBERGASTED - Appalled by weight gain. FRAGRANT - Sweet smelling tramp. FREEBIE - Unattached insect. FRIGATE - Ship nobody cares about. FROGSPAWN - Blue movies for French. FUSELAGE - Not many that big. G GASTRONOME - Flatulent dwarf. GENITAL - Not Jewish. GENTEEL - Chivalrous fish. GOATHERD - Exclamation when flushing. GOBLET - A small mouth. GONDOLIER - Something caught from a boatman. GRANARY - Single sex old folks home. GROYNE - Colour of 'go' light in Birmingham (UK). GURGLE - To steal a ventriloquists dummy. H HADDOCK - Enclosure for sea horses. HALITOSIS - Bad breath causes by comets. HARLEQUIN - One of a set of five motorbikes. HARPIST - Partially inebriated. HEATHROW (UK airport) - What a baggage handler does. HEBREW - Jewish teabag. HERPES - The wife's winning vegetables. HIDING - A bell you can't reach. HITHER - Snake with a harelip. HOARDING - Prostitutes microwave. HOBGOBLIN - Eating stoves. HONOLULU - Award to Scottish female singer. HORTICULTURE - Ideas above ones station. HULLABALOO - How to greet a bear. HUMMINGBIRD - Lady in need of a bath. HUMMUS - What Geordies use to bang nails in. HUMPTY-DUMPTY - Someone who humps & dumps. HUSTLE-BUSTLE - 19 century kerb crawler. HIMALAYA - Transsexual rooster. I ICONOCLASTIC - Rubber band for religious paintings. IMPACT - Mythical performance. IMPOTENT - Well known and important. INCREMENT - Bad weather in Japan. INJURY - On judicial duty. INTENSIVE - High speed strainer. iPOD - Optical aid using peas. IVY - Roman for 4. J JUGULAR - Busty vampire. K KINGDOM - Royal contraceptive. KITTIWAKE - Cat's funeral. L LABOUR PAIN - Effects of hard work. LABURNUM - French barbeque. LACTIC - Stopped clock. LACTOSE - Effect of frostbite. LAMINATION - New Zealand. LAMPOON - Device for whaling at night. LAPLANDER - Clumsy private dancer. LARGESS - A large 'S'. LEPRECHAUN - Variety of corn whose ears drop off. LIABILITY - Political skill. LIABLE - Australian price tag. LIVERY - A bit like liver. LOGGERHEADS - Addicts who sniff lumberjacks. LUPINE - Toilet air freshener. LYMPH - To walk with a lisp.
|
M MACAROON - Leave a Scotsman on a desert island. MALADY - A bit like a duck. MANDATE - Male dried fruit. MANOEUVRE - Vacuum cleaner men can use. MARGATE - Mother of all scandals. (Town in UK) MASSACRE - An American measurement. MAYFLY - Doubtful aircraft design. MEASLES - What artists use for self-portraits. MEDICAL STAFF - Doctor's walking stick. MELANCHOLY - Funny shaped dog. MEMSAHIB - Type of Swedish car. MIGHTY - Not your tea. MIGRAINE - Possessive cereal farmer. MISHMASH - Late for Chapel due to drunkenness. MISTAKE - Winner of butchers beauty contest. MONKEY - A bit like a monk. MONOGAMY - Scottish New Year celebration for one. MONOTONOUS - Single minded intelligence. MORASS - Putting on weight. MORBID - Auction process. MOSQUITO - Tiny place for Muslim worship. MUSIC - Poorly cat. MUCUS - Swear word used by cats. MUMPS - Heaps of unwanted mothers. MUTATE - Art gallery for cats. MYSTIQUE - Frightened fog. N NAPKIN - One of the tiny sleep nymphs. NAVIGATE - Scandal involving road workers. NEUTRON - Ronald the newt NITRATE - Lower than day rate. O OFFSET - Regulating body for badgers. ONION BHAJI - French canal boat worker. ONOMATOPOEIA - First sign of bladder weakness. ORCHID - Son of a Brummie (Birmingham UK). ORGANISM - Irrational fear of the Wurlitzer. OSMOSIS - Early Australian prophet. OTTER - Warmer weather in Yorkshire. OUTPATIENT - Unconscious casualty. OUTRANKED - To be smellier than. OXYMORON - Stupid bovine. P PALISADE - A drink for a Queen. PANDEMONIUM - Monochrome musical instrument. PARACHUTE - Device to launch paratroopers. PARSNIP - Dad's vasectomy PEA SOUP - Unusual medical condition. PEANUT - Painful medical condition. PEPPER POT - Pot belonging to one who stutters. PESTO - Insecticide gravy browning. PHYSIQUE - Perrier enema. PIANO - Musical shipping line. PICADOR - Find your own way out. PIECRUST - Result of neglected old fighting weapon. PILLAGE - Pharmaceutical dependant village. PISTON - Humiliated. PLATYPUS - Give your cat pigtails. PLEBISCITE - Website for commoners. POLITICIAN - Famous Italian parrot painting. POLYGAMIST - Two timing parrot. POLYGON - Missing parrot. POLYUNSATURATED - Dry parrot. PONDEROUS - Shop that sells ponds. PORCUPINE - Regret becoming a vegetarian. PORTLY - Shaped like a harbour. POST OPERATIVE - Mail delivery worker. POSTULATE - Poor postal delivery. PREACH - Soft fruit with speech defect. PREAMBLE - Warm-up before walking. PROBLEMATIC - Dodgy loft conversion. PROPAGANDA - Have a good look. PROTRACTOR - Paid farm machine. PSYCHOPATH - Crazy paving. Q QUAKER - Posh duck. QUEST - Coat of Arms with a speech impediment. R RADAR - An attack by pirates. RAFFIA - Craft fair crime syndicate. RAMBLING - Jewellery for sheep. RANDOMISE - Ocular defect. RANKER - Japanese term of abuse. RANSOM - Partial exercise RAPSCALLION - Funky spring onion. RECOVERY - Replacing upholstery. RECTUM - Items seriously damaged. RETARD (1) - Refreshed road surface. RETARD (2) - Very difficult in Yorkshire (UK). RETREAD - Very red in Yorkshire (UK). RHEUMATIC - Automatic herb. ROCK BOTTOM - Firm seat. ROOK - What Japanese tourists do. RUGGER - Wig maker. S SATIRE - A more elevated seating position. SCANDAL - Shameful foot-ware. SCAR TISSUE - Problem connecting DVD to TV. SCINTILLATE - Commit adultery until midnight. SCOOBY DO - Responsible dog owner. SCUM - It has arrived. SCURRILOUS - Mouse with no legs. SEA LEGS - Eggs of the seal. SEA LION - Implement for pressing seals. SECRETION - Act of hiding something. SEIZURE - You have been spotted. SEMOLINA - System of signalling using puddings. SENILE - What to do in Egypt. SENTIMENT - The perfume he intended to buy. SEWAGE - Legal work. SHAMROCK - Tribute band. SHEEP DIP - Unpopular buffet item. SHELLFISH - A bit like a shelf. SHREWD - A rude shrew. SHRINK - Ice skating shrew. SHRUB - Over-friendly shrew. SLIPPERY - A bit like a slipper. SLUGGISH - A bit like a slug. SNUFFBOX - Coffin. SORCERER - Even more like a saucer. SPECIMEN - Italian astronauts. SPOOF - Person pretending to be gay. STALACTITE (1) - Inebriated prisoners of war. STALACTITE (2) - Prison camp for fleas. STIFLE - No room at the pigs home. STIFLING - Scottish dance for pigs. STOCKADE - Meat based fizzy drink. STYLIST - Directory for pigs. SUBDUED - Less than 'cool' person. SUBSTITUTE - Underwater hooker. SUFFOCATION - A week in Lowestoft (UK). SUFFRAGETTE - Package holiday flight. SURCHARGE - Cash for Honours. SYCAMORE - Not as well as I used to be. SYSTEMATIC - Robot Nun. STYMIED - Jewish pig. T TABLET - Small table. TADPOLE - Quarter Polish. TAFFETA (1) - Cannibal who prefers Welsh people. TAFFETA (2) - Welsh goats cheese. TAILBACK - Post operative Manx cat. TAPAS - Gentle strike a bottom. TAPIOCA - Disappointingly average dance routine. TENDENTIOUS - Having ten dents. TENSION - Stand up straight. TENTATIVE - Not sure about camping. TERMINAL ILLNESS - Getting sick at the airport. TEUTONIC - Ordered with two gins. THERMIDOR - Spanish lobster fighter. THESAURUS - Condition after eating very hot curry. TIMBRE - Call of a French lumberjack. TINKER - Irish philosopher. TISSUE - Important matter on Yorkshire (UK). TITILLATE - Delayed puberty. TOMBOLA - A game throwing male cats. TOOTH FAIRY - Effeminate dentist. TORPID - Incomplete torpedo. TRANSCENDENTAL - Cross-dressing dentist. TRANSISTOR - A brother who wears his mothers clothes. TRICYCLE - Even short trice. TRIGONOMETRY - Cowboys method for locating horse. TROLLEY - Abundance of trolls. TUMBLING - Jewellery for the belly-button. TUMOUR - More than one more. TYPHOON - Tea induced flatulence. U UGANDA - You have a look. UNDERTAKER - Trainee shop lifter. UNDETERRED - Skid mark. URDU - Liverpool coiffeur. URINE - Opposite of you're out. V VANISH - A bit like a van. VARNISH - To disappear in Mayfair (UK). VEIN - Conceited. VENEZUELA - Harpoon armed gondola. VIGILANT - Insect that stays up all night. W WARMING - Geordie's Chinese vase. WHOLESALER - Moby Dicks lunch. WINNEBAGO - Horse with a bad back. WISP - Really pathetic wasp. WORM CAST - Downloadable worm. Y YASHMAK - Garment worn to protect against yash.
|
|