The Great Cornard Information Website

Home Page

Table of Contents

Hobbies & Pastimes

Numpty's World - Introduction

Numpty's World

Page updated - 28 November 2010

Email me your Numpty experiences & thoughts to share with other sensible 'folks' using this website.


This text first appeared as the Editorial in Issue 44 of the Cornard News Newsletter



You may feel that the content on this page is light-hearted but it is on a very important and serious subject. There are many subjects that make some people quite emotional. Football, good food, ‘soaps’ on TV, music, etc and the list could go on. Most of these, although they give a lot of pleasure, don’t have a real bearing on our daily life. What does ‘foul-up’ most of our lives, on a daily basis, is pointless mindless bureaucracy & paranoia.


I imagine if you will, a barren landscape. It is featureless and there is NOTHING from horizon to horizon except a person. This person is standing there in a biohazard suit, steel toe-tipped ‘wellies’, hard-hat, full-face mask, ear protectors, breathing apparatus, Hi-Viz jacket & trousers and holding a clipboard: Meet Numpty.


Numpty is incapable of completely rational reasoning and cannot contribute anything, positive, to any situation. The fact is that Numpty does not have a real practical experience or understanding of many situations and is incapable of really coherent logical reasoning. If you think Numpty does not exist then have a look around you in our daily live.


In the UK why should anyone feel it is necessary to have a Danger of Death sign, usually twice on an electricity supply pole, WHY?  I reckon that anyone stupid enough to want to climb the pole without good reason & understanding of what they are doing, deserves ‘all they get’ and wouldn’t take notice of the sign anyway.


Did I hear someone say ‘It’s Heath & Safety’? No it isn’t, it’s Numpty’s paranoia!  So-called Health & Safety, of this type, is killing people. Why, because they have been so ‘protected’ for potentially dangerous situation, the ‘folks’ have had no ‘education’ in recognising danger. I could easily list a number of potentially dangerous situations but there would be someone who would do whatever I mentioned and Numpty would be ‘banging on the door’ waiving bits of paper and threatening legal action.


I was lucky enough to grow up in a time when kids were allowed to have a childhood free from Numpty. Perhaps I have past my ‘Best before’ date but, having worked in various, sometimes quite hazardous, ‘industries’ and had various pastimes I have managed to live this long without serious injury simply by using basic commonsense based on my upbringing and the occasional ‘brush’ with danger. My body developed an immune system because households were not ‘full’ of potentially hazardous planet-damaging chemicals, in spray and liquid forms, with the power to ‘exterminate’ all types of germs and bacteria. I also respected the meaning of the words ‘no’, ‘don’t’, & ‘personal responsibility’, sadly words now missing from frequent everyday usage thanks largely to Numpty.


If Numpty wants something useful to do then stop using unfounded, and meaningless, phrases & excuses and remove all the signs where any instruction or ‘danger’ is blindingly obvious. The Numpty effect is often found in industry or commerce but what really happens here is that the manufactured product or service is less competitive in the market-place due to overburdening pointless procedures and restrictive red-tape. Creating documents in simple English and not gobbledegook would really help. Numpty is very good at wasting your time & money on pointless exercises.


Finally, another non-productive process is the Oozlum bird effect. Normally it is fine and goes about its daily business. When startled it rushes around at an increasing speed in ever decreasing circles. Finally it defies most rules of physics and disappears. I wonder if ‘we’ could get Numpty to do this?


I resist succumbing to the whims of Numpty. Don’t let Numpty ruin your life. Make a stand against Numpty.


Please click here and email me your Numpty experiences and thoughts to share with other sensible 'folks' using this website.


Tony - Webmaster